


The Epiphany of Our Suffering

by cmbynmalec



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content, Minor Violence, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-04-29 05:18:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14465865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cmbynmalec/pseuds/cmbynmalec
Summary: When Castiel gets a new neighbor- Dean Winchester, he doesn't expect to become good friends with him and (he hopes) something more. But Castiel has painful secrets that he is hesitant to share with anyone. Will Dean be able to help him, or will something dark overtake Castiel  before anyone can help?A Destiel AU





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the TV series 'Supernatural' nor do I own any of the characters from the show that are included in this story. The plot and any original characters are mine. 
> 
> Warnings:
> 
> This story contains the following contents:
> 
> Swearing, Boy x Boy Relationships, Sexual Content, Depression, Panic Attacks, Violence.
> 
> Viewer Discretion Is Advised 
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy!

"Hello?" A distant voice shook me from my stupor where I was seated on the portion of the roof that was beneath my window. A young man, seeming to be about my age, was stood by an open window from the house across from me. "I know I'm incredibly good looking but I would appreciate it if you could not check me out while I'm in my home." The boy said with a serious face but his voice clearly showed he was amused; but the accusation still caught me off guard, as that was not at all what I had been doing. But regardless if that was true I failed to make that clear in my attempted response to deny it. "I was- uh not- um what?" I stuttered out miserably. I had a talent at making myself look pathetic in any social interaction that made me anxious. Especially this one where I'm being falsely accused of perversely spying on an (admittedly attractive) man in his home.

He laughed loudly. It did nothing to ease my anxiety. "Relax, I'm just joking. Unless you really were checking me out, then I was being serious about asking you not to do that when I'm in my home."

"Uh no, I wasn't spying on you. I promise." I managed to gain a semblance of control over the jumbled words in my mind to respond in final. At this the slight tension in his shoulders released with a relieved sigh from the both of us- mine mentally.

"Ok good. I was a bit worried I'd have to move." The boy startled me once again as he unexpectedly climbed out his open window onto the roof architecturally identical to mine. He settled down with a grunt and glanced around in what seemed to be approval. He then turned his impossibly green eyes to me quizzically then proceeded to bluntly state, "You were staring through my window for a while." This boy unsettles me, good or bad, I am unsure.

I flushed in embarrassment. I must have been stuck deeply in my thoughts to not have noticed. Again. I was anxious to move on from this topic. "My apologies. I was thinking and must have stared off. Though in my defense I don't remember anyone living in that house prior to yesterday." That was bold of me to say, equally unexpected too. I do hope that last part didn't come off as rude. His genuine laugh in response quickly assured me it was not.

"Touche. Me and my little brother, Sammy, moved in just this morning." Really? I need to better pay attention to what's happening around me. "Cool." I replied lamely. The conversation died there and an awkward silence followed for only a short moment until it was broken by the boy. Thankfully.

"What were you thinking about?" His expression showed curiosity, not feigned as it was with others who spoke with me.

I was slow to follow what he was asking. "Pardon?"

"What were you thinking about before I began wrongly accusing you of ogling at me." He elaborated patiently. As I think back I fail to recall just what I was thinking. "I'm not sure."

"Little bit of everything or a hideout intention?" He asked.

"Sort of both." He nodded his head in understanding, but he could never truly understand what happens in my mind; my ideas, memories- both recent and past- are secrets I keep to myself and if I choose to share them it's only ever with my brother and my therapist (and that's not always). But of course I won't tell the boy this, seeing as we just met about five minutes ago, and I don't even know his name. Wait.

"I don't know your name." I can see I caught him off guard this time with the abruptness of the question. It was blunt but judging by how blunt he was when he spoke, I fail to understand why he was still surprised.

"Surely you remember, I told you already. This morning, I think you were with your brother, Gabriel? You were on the porch holding a- quite fat- cat." He looked suspicious. His reaction to the question now makes sense as I should have remembered this but I don't. All I recall this morning was looking around for Cheddar and feeling extremely nervous when I later found him outside (he's an indoor cat only). I must have a perplexed look on my face as he seems to realize I don't remember. "Oh, well I guess that's alright if you don't remember, it was a quick exchange of greetings. I'm Dean." He reached across the six-foot gap between our roofs and extended his hand. I did the same and gave a firm shake, though I'm shaking inside.

"Castiel. And I apologize for not remembering- it's quite rude of me. I was in a nervous flurry this morning trying to locate Cheddar." I respond flushed.

"Cas. Hmm, I like that." Dean said with an approving nod.

"Uh, actually it's Castiel-" I tried to correct him but he cut me off smoothly and uncaringly.

"Cheddar? I'm gonna guess that's the fat cat I saw you holding this morning during our un-remembered meeting."

"Yes. And he's not fat! He just has a bit of an...overeating issue." I said indignantly. Poor Cheddar, being harassed. Well, I guess it is kind of true.

"My apologies. I do not wish to insult you or your beloved Cheddar about his condition. I shall use a nicer word than fat. Overstuffed." He mused. I laughed at his joke and I didn't miss the triumphant look on his face when he laughed too. The way he smiled made me feel something I don't have the privilege to feel often, confidence. Confidence in not only myself but in people. I could feel a piece chip off from the wall of fear that's blocking my mind and heart from other people, this boy- I strongly feel- will further chip away at the wall.

"Castiel! Come inside." My brother Gabriel calls for me. I don't want to leave this moment cause if I do, I fear, I won't ever feel this way again. "I have to go..." I say reluctantly.

Dean senses my disappointment and in return, voices his. "That's unfortunate. I wished to have stayed up here with you for a little while longer. But I also wish not to end up on your brother's bad side, in fear I might never be allowed to see your face again. I would truly suffer."

"I don't think you would suffer too greatly." I looked down to my fiddling hands resting in my crisscrossed lap.

"No I wouldn't suffer. In fact, I would perish. Castiel, one does not simply gaze upon your beautiful face and not live in peril forever if they do not see it again. So if cutting my time short with you to obey your brother means I will get to freely see you again and all your beauty, then I will do so a million times." Dean said with such certainty and truth displayed in his emotions that I felt daunted by an emotion I could not comprehend; it unsettled me beautifully. As a person who is not understanding of their emotions, I could only blush madly and scurry back through my window into the safety of my room. Before I could shut the window I heard Dean laugh gleefully and whisper, "Good night Cas."


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning I got up at six to head to my job at the animal shelter. When I walked out of the house I strangely hoped I would get to see Dean but that was impractical this early in the morning. The afternoon was a brisk warm, yesterday but the quick approach of winter was showing this morning. The cold wind was biting at my face and by the time I arrived at work a block away, I felt numb. When I walked through the doors the familiar combination of pungent smells filled my nose: kitty litter and wet dog. Once I felt the warmth slowly have an effect on my frozen body, I noticed the dogs were barking wildly. Lydia, my manager, walks out from the back where the dog kennels are. 

“Why are the dogs barking? Is the veterinarian here today?” I asked walking up to the front desk to put on my name tag.

“No. We have a new dog, that's why they’re going wild.” She responds briskly and heads into her private office. Lydia may not be the most friendly with people but she is with the animals and that’s all that really matters to me. 

***

I spend the rest of my shift cleaning out old dog kennels, changing cat boxes and playing with the animals. We had a few customers but they only looked around briefly. When it hit five in the afternoon my shift was over. After saying goodbye to Lydia and getting no response I head out the door. The air was just as cold as this morning and I began to regret not asking Gabriel to pick me up. Hunching up my shoulders, I did my best to stay as warm as possible on my walk home. When I was about halfway home I heard a low rumbling in the distance. Assuming it was thunder I didn’t look up from my consistent gaze on the sidewalk until the rumbling grew louder and closer. I look up to see a black car pull up on the side of the road next to me. Before I could panic about stranger-danger I hear a familiar voice call out the open passenger window. “Cas!” Stopping in my tracks I bend down to peer into the car. 

“Oh, hello Dean.” He’s sitting in the driver seat and I notice he’s alone. 

“Hey what are you doing walking in this weather? It’s fucking freezing.” He asks not unkindly. 

“Oh it’s fine. I just got off work and I’m heading home.” I chuckle awkwardly. Now I feel more ridiculous for not calling Gabe. 

“I can give you a ride, but I have to pick up Sam from the library first.” 

“Uh I don’t really know if I should accept. We only just met yesterday.” I answer slowly, hoping he won’t mistake me for being offensive. 

He smiled sweetly and said, “I understand, but I swear I’m not a serial killer. But we had a very wonderful chat yesterday and after so I had hoped we would be friends or acquaintances in the least. Not strangers.” 

He had a coy look on his face that contradicted the sweetness in his smile. But nonetheless he had a point and a not-so-small part of me had also hoped we were friends. I feel I can trust him, so I will. “Okay, I’ll accept your offer.” 

His smile grew with his victory. “Brilliant!” He reached over and unlocked the passenger door for me. 

“This car is very nice. Is it yours or parents?” I asked partly out of true curiosity and an attempt to keep any awkward silence away. Maybe also to keep Dean talking, he has a nice voice. I ignore my thoughts.

“It used to be my dads but he gave it to me when I turned 18. He passed away a year later. It's just me and Sammy now.” He replied solemnly. 

“Oh, apologies. What kind of car is this?” I divert. 

“Baby here is a 1967 Chevy Impala. Best car there is!” The sorrowful look that was on his face before is now gone, replaced with genuine happiness. I feel pride at being the one responsible for it. He is even more beautiful when he’s happy.

“Wait.” I’m taken aback when I process what he said, “Baby?” 

He buoyantly laughs. “Yeah, her name’s Baby.” He leans forward and pats the dashboard lightly. He’s a bit odd, as am I though. I smile fondly towards him and he returns it. We pull into the library's parking lot and Dean turns off the engine. I notice I instantly miss the soothing of the engines hum. Dean leans back in his seat and stretches his arm across the back of the seat. “Sorry, Sam is a bit slow.” He says.  
“It’s alright. How old is your brother Sam?” I turn my body slightly so I’m facing him. 

A fondness grows in his eyes after my question. A look that is specially reserved for Sam. I know this look well, I see it in my own brothers' eyes when he looks at me. Wholesome love. I only hope that it shows in my own eyes when I look back at Gabe, so he knows how much I truly love him. “He’s 15. And he’s damn smart for his age, too.” As if on cue Sam walks up to the car and gets in the backseat. 

“Hey Sammy. Find what you were looking for?” Dean asks, starting up the car again. 

“Hi Dean, yeah they did. Um, who’s this?” Sam looks at me hesitantly. His question of who I am clears up my own question of whether I met Sam yesterday when I supposedly met Dean (for the first time). I wasn’t having a great morning that day so that is why I don’t remember meeting Dean. I still feel guilty about it. 

“This is our neighbor Cas.” Sam perks up at my name. “Cas? The one with the fat cat?” 

I laugh as does Dean. “Yes, I’m that Cas. Lovely to meet you, Sam.” I reach over the seat and extend my right hand. Sam shakes it enthusiastically with a wide smile that makes him look much younger than 15. “Likewise.” He grabs a book from his bag and leans his head against the window and begins to read. 

“He’s not much of a talker until you really get to know him.” Dean says to me in a low voice. “Sorta like you.” I know he didn’t say it to be offensive, but it bothers me how much of a relief it is to me that he wasn’t being rude. Too many past negative experiences. Dean’s different, I can feel it like a warmth in me. It shocks my body since I coldness is all I often feel. I hope his warmth in me stays.


End file.
